The Beginning

I'm not sure where to start. I never thought of myself as a blogging type, then again I never thought the events of the last year would be things that I would experience.

I'll start with last June, year 2010. We as a family moved from Ft. Sill, OK to Ft. Hood, TX. I was upset a few days after hearing that we were moving yet again, but then I realized that my best buddy and fellow army wife was already here so we wouldn't be alone. We arrived shortly after our anniversary. We spent our first day getting acquainted with the area and trying to get a house on post. But by the end of the week after he reported for in-processing, we'd received word and official orders, Royce was to deploy within 3 month. I was okay with the idea at first, we weren't to far from family that the kids and I couldn't drive up to see them every few months. Plus, Becca and Andrew were still be here with us. Life went on, we enjoyed the Summer, had a fabulous trip to San Antonio with my big brother and his wife. Royce deployed September 12, 2010. It was his third rotation to Iraq, and his unit was one of the first in support of Operation New Dawn. Bradley turned 8 months 2 weeks later. Kenzie celebrated her fourth birthday in October.

The first week of November, I rushed Bradley to the Doctor's office after thinking he had chicken pox. Turned out he had a rash called Molluscum. Never heard of it, well I hadn't either till then. Turns out it looks just like chicken pox. Only difference is, no fever and a constant runny nose. Well until the second week anyway then. Then instead of getting the Pox, it looks like they are covered in warts. Turns out you can get it in a public pool or from touching someone else infected. At first we thought it was the pool, but the dormant period is max of seven weeks, not 3 months as it was since the last trip to the post pool. I never had it, my friends didn't have it, Kenzie didn't. I'm still not sure to this day how he got it, but I do know it made life for him and me both miserable for nearly three months. he was always itchy, needing calamine lotion daily, oatmeal baths twice a week. Because it spreads easily in water I was suppose to wear gloves to bath him. Kenzie took her bath first so I could just bleach the tub after they were both in bed every night. I had to ensure his wet towels didn't touch an of ours before they dried or were washed. It wasn't till sometime in February that it seemed to finally go away.

The end of February i obtained the title of best Wife ever when I bought my husband a truck. The title was short lived after the truck sitting in the drive for a week, and my little brother having been spotted in the front yard while visiting, I was accused of being a heating Lying NO Good Dirty Wife having anther man living with me. I was blatantly asked by a senior Non-Commissioned Officer in charge of our housing area why I had another man in my home while my husband was deployed. After explaining to him I bought the truck for m husband, cause I'm a good wife, I was accused of being a rich bitch flaunting money for blatantly stating that i bought it out right for Royce. Then I informed him the man he saw was my brother here for a 2 day visit with my sister and nephew. I was briefed on the policy regarding others living in quarters and what was allowed and what wasn't. I was hurt upset and flat out speechless. i filed a complaint and thankfully haven't seen that man in my neighborhood since.

Royce returned for his R & R leave a few weeks later. It was short but wonderful. but Bradley wasn't happy about the separation, Kenzie clung to her snuggle pillow even more.
Easter weekend in April I made a trip to Muskogee to see my family. I had been talking to my little brother and he had asked to come stay with me and visit for a few weeks. I told him I was planning a trip back the last week of May or first of June so he could stay till then. He told our parents he was moving to Texas. I was caught in the middle. I hadn't agreed to anything permanent, but I couldn't leave him behind. The idea of being able to go to coffee, the gym, and grocery shopping without the kids was way to appealing. We made do and enjoyed the month.

Its now that I replay that month and the next over and over in my head. I never thought those would be some of my last memories of Mike. I wished I taken more pics, spent less time at the sewing machine, and so much more. Hindsight is 20/20. Micheal passed on June 20, 2011. He took his own life and for reasons I'm still not aware.

I titled this blog page Crying Over Mashed Potatoes for a reason. The last week we spent in Texas before going back to Oklahoma I taught Mike how to make mashed potatoes. He asked and I showed him. He was proud of himself, I bragged and took a picture and sent to my mom. Micheal never cooked much more then spaghetti.

Last night I made mashed potatoes again, only realizing I hadn't eaten real mashed taters since Mike had made them in May. I started Crying and couldn't stop. I was upset, mad, sad, depressed, and a whole mess of lost and confused. There are so many things that don't add up.

This is what I do know though, I'm moving on, starting today and everyday for the next year I'm blogging. I'm talking about my life, my family, my grief and moving on. I'm not going to sugar coat anymore. I'm not going to try and keep my thought and feeling to myself for fear of hurting someone else. So I'm going to write, out everything out there. I want to talk about it all, from my army life, to cooking and sewing, and the loss of my brother.

Its a brand new year, Royce is home.